the 100rs formula

Last weekend we went out for a movie. The last version of a famous series. It had a world full of magic. The Harry potter series ended with this one. We were all very excited as we were going for a movie after about 6 long months. I hadn’t seen any movie since then. My li’l toddler, my 1 year old daughter, was really li’l last time I brought her to the theatre. I was just hoping that she doesn’t fuss around and let me have some time watching the movie and munching the popcorns. We had got our tickets a day before and were all charged to have a great time with Harry. We entered the multiplex 15 minutes before the show was going to start. We made all our purchases. The popcorn tub, the cold drinks, the samosas and the mineral water bottle. I had the baby stuff with me too. The milk bottle, 2 diapers, the rashfree lotion and a sipper. We then got in the theatre hall and got ourselves seated on our seats. The movie was about to begin within 5 minutes. The theatre was packed with audience and most of them were college students.

 Our seats were right in the middle of the balcony area. Every passerby got a clear view of all of us. My li’l bundle of innocence started her baby babbling once she was settled in my lap with popcorn in her mouth. She started making sounds which sounded like some cats and rats playing a rock band. Baah baah buuushkuuu…….. baaah baah bhuchkaau……something like this. Some of the college girls found it very fascinating and turned to my li’l gibberish singer in delight. They asked me how old she was. They didn’t bother to hear my answer and were totally engrossed in watching this bundle of pleasure. Their expressions clearly showed how much free fun and pleasure my li’l one was giving them. One of the two girls took my daughter in her arms and started talking to her in a baby lingo. She was amused when my li’l one started laughing at her and provoked her to blather more. The other girl hurriedly called other fellow students and gathered them to show the “free baby show” right before our seats. My hubby was enjoying the honour of being the” father of the star”but the mob of these asinine college girls was making me very bumpy. I tried to take my daughter in my arms but this li’l pixie was not ready to come to me and started dropping her ersatz tears leaving me even more frantic. I had to lend her back to the college girl to avoid my baby from crying. Thankfully, the movie started with a bugle and all the girls settled in their seats. Their seats were behind ours and I could listen to their voice clearly. “ketli phine chhe, kevi massst hase chhe”. They were still talking about my li’l one and I knew that this was not the end to the story. The movie moved on in full swing. Potter ready to give a final fight to the lord of death. It was intermission time soon.

I was keeping my fingers crossed as I didn’t want the swarm of the girls behind us to attack our space once again. Alas! The fingers were not crossed to perfection I guess. The GANG was back. Not only back but back with a banggg! They had planned this age old sport to make my li’l one chuckle. They were nearly 8 girls. All of them filled their cheeks with air and took a pause for a second. I and my hubby were totally flabbergasted to see such a sight. Eight odd girls standing right in front of us with full air filled cheeks. Gruesome sight. They were looking like the nitrogen packed chips packets waiting to be burst open. After the pause, all of them gave a big synchronized blast by banging their palms on their cheeks. We were aghast and disgusted and hadn’t faced anything like this before. There were saliva drops mixed with the smell of popcorns and samosas all over our face. Eeeeks! How could they? What were they upto? Had someone given them ‘supari’ for embarrassing us before the whole theatre crowd? I was totally loosing control over the situation. The quirky game was so enjoyable for our li’l one that she started laughing aloud. The real torture began after that. The GANG was convinced that this game will provide them with many more big laughs from the baby. They started all over again and repeated the malevolent act nearly 58 times all at a stretch. I wondered if there was a sport like this in Olympics, this gang of girls would have bagged a gold, no no, diamond medal for their outbursting performance. I had no choice but allow my space to be intruded and fake a laugh at their activities as my li’l pixie was aggravating the GANG to perform even better with each cheek blast. After a series of cheek blasts and an awful dribble rain, the intermission was over and the gang had to go to their seats. I took out some tissue papers and wiped the “rain drops” murmuring some forbidden words for the dribblers. My hubby also borrowed the tissue paper and looked at me in dismay. Then I took a long breath and relaxed.

 I told myself that it was all over. There will be sunshine after the rains for sure. We shall overcome, we shall overcome. I was determined to not think about anything but enjoy my movie. Within an hour the movie was over. Potter destroyed his biggest enemy, voldemort and a whole Harry potter era came to an end. We were out towards the McDonald’s, which is situated at the ground floor of the multiplex, for grabbing a happy meal. But I was still hearing something at the back …and my li’l one was laughing at someone. To my utter surprise, almost shockingly I turned back to see that the GANG was following us! My li’l darling had become a celebrity now with quite a “fan following”. I could now imagine the plight of poor celebrities who are in constant endeavor of being unrecognized. It’s a difficult thing being known and followed by unwanted fans. Coming back to the present scenario, now I was also constantly thinking of definitive measures to save our dinner time from the invasion of the GANG. The girls were in full mood of having a grand show and some absolutely free entertainment from my baby dear. We were experiencing a very different form of eve teasing here. The difference being that the eves were culprits and not the victims in our case. I know that the GANG had no idea how they were turning out to be villains much bigger than voldemort for me spoiling my precious family weekend time. I wont let my ‘happy meal ‘turn in to a ‘saddy’meal.I hadn’t enough tissues to cope with the dribble rain all over again. They must be made to realize it. But how?

Finally we all were at the McDonalds and I was still thinking desperately of some way of getting rid of the GANG. Suddenly, one of the GANG girls asked me to click a photo of her with my celeb baby. A very weird, rather irrational idea struck me in a flash. I once again faked a smile and said “sure, it will only cost you 100 bucks for one photo with the baby”.  I could experience a sudden fall of interest in the Gang’s eyes. When they discovered that this fun was not for free and they will have to shell out their precious pocket money for just getting clicked with the baby whom they had made a rockstar by showing overwhelming interest in her company, they were startled and were still looking at me as if I would just say that I was joking. But after a couple of seconds they knew that I was damn serious and that it was the end of their “intrusion trail”. Without even saying a humble bye to their own created star, they all left the place leaving us in succor and solace. After they left us, I still couldn’t believe what I had said and done. My hubby was also having a good laugh at the episode and I was happy that finally, I got my space back with my family and kids. My husband, still guffawing started humming a song…..”The whole thing is that ki bhaiyya sab se bada rupaiyya”, giving a good lyrical end to the chapter.